Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
