Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
