i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
