you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
