You don't have asthma, your pregnant
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dignity is for republicans.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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