I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
