we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
