; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
