You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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