We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this boner is exhausting
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
