fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize