Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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