As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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