Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize