You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
