actually, I'm a sock model
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
