The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
