dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
