I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
