i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
