I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
