dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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