when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
