I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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