They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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