Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
