i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
