yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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