oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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