i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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