I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She's the barista slut.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
