I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
