Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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