Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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