Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
