quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
