I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They have beer where we have blood.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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