Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
