I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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