This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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