is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
