do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
