Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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