please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
