Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I want her autograph on my taint
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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