My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was CRYING into my vagina
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
