Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
