She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
love makes seman taste better
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
