I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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