I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
