i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize