vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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