Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you didnt know i had herpes?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
