Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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