well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
