Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
