I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
