Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
