I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
