I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
