We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
