I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
