$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dude. I can hear the air.
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