just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So many bounce houses so little time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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