my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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