I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
