I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
